The Influence of Parents' "Phubbing Behavior" on Adolescents
By Qianting Lu
"When my mother and I were shopping, I was already very far ahead, and she was still walking slowly with her mobile phone in the back."
"Whether it is before going to bed or waking up, Dad always holds the phone. I feel that the phone has become all of Dad's, and he will not be able to live without it."
Have you experienced or heard of similar complaints?
With the rapid development of mobile network technology, mobile phones have become an indispensable part of our lives, and the same is true for parents. Studies have found that parents spend between 0.5 and 7.5 hours on mobile devices such as mobile phones each day, of which 0 to 5 hours are used in front of their children. 2 Such "immersive" mobile phone use is extending the relationship between parents and children with an invisible force.
The behavior of parents bowing their heads will cause parents to withdraw and delay in giving feedback to their children during parent-child interaction. When the child wants to have emotional communication with his parents, the parents keep looking at the phone and fail to respond. This may cause the child's pain and confusion. Is my way of expressing my feelings wrong? Do moms and dads don’t love me... These confusions will prevent children from expressing their emotions well and understanding other people’s emotional cues.
The behavior of parents bowing their heads will cause parents to withdraw and delay in giving feedback to their children during parent-child interaction. When the child wants to have emotional communication with his parents, the parents keep looking at the phone and fail to respond. This may cause the child's pain and confusion. Is my way of expressing my feelings wrong? Do moms and dads don’t love me... These confusions will prevent children from expressing their emotions well and understanding other people’s emotional cues.
Parent-child interaction is essential to the experience of adolescent family happiness. Nowadays, mobile devices such as smartphones and tablet computers have fully intervened in family life, reshaping the interactive communication between parents and children. Teenagers believe that in parent-child interactions, parents’ mobile devices are "sometimes" distracted. The distraction of mothers and fathers’ mobile devices will reduce the sense of companionship and increase parent-child conflicts, thereby reducing teenagers’ satisfaction with family life. In other words, the distraction of a parent’s mobile device will reduce the interaction between parents and children, introduce additional family friction, and have a negative impact on the quality of family relationships.
Studies have suggested that parents sometimes consciously use mobile devices to make themselves "escape" from their parental role for a short time (such as appearing to be busy through the use of mobile devices) as a way of daily stress management. It is worth noting that the distraction of only the mother’s mobile device reduces the adolescent’s perception of emotional support. In other words, when mothers are distracted by mobile devices during parent-child interactions, teenagers’ perception of intimacy and trust will decrease. This result may be caused by potential differences in parental roles in the growth of adolescents. In the future, we still need to analyze the underlying reasons for this result by paying attention to the differences in the roles of parents.
Parents paying attention to mobile phones but neglecting communication with their children will lead to alienation of parent-child relationship and deterioration of family relations, making children feel less cared for, and more difficult to learn how to build friendships with other people (like partners) and experience more society Repulsion, in the end, you can only alternatively satisfy your needs for social interaction, being cared for, and experiencing self-worth through the Internet (David & Roberts, 2017). These will lead to a great increase in children's Internet use, and even more Internet addiction behaviors.
◆How should parents use mobile phones correctly to reduce the negative impact on their children?
Lead by example, set a good example
When you prevent your children from playing with mobile phones, have you ever heard a rebuttal like this: "You all play with mobile phones, why don't you let me play? It's unfair!" You may think that it is unreasonable for your children to compare their parents as the object of comparison. Because schoolwork is no longer your main task, but according to social learning theory, you still assume an important role of "model", and children are imitating and learning your behavior. Therefore, before asking your children to follow the "Mobile Phone Use Rules" you have made, you must lead by example and follow them first.
This does not mean that you and your child must follow exactly the same rules. It is also possible to make different rules based on your own circumstances under the premise of the child's approval. But no matter what the rules are adopted, we should first abide by the mobile phone usage rules and become role models for children. If you can't put down your phone at the stipulated time and think "just look at the following", how can your child actively overcome this temptation?
Parents paying attention to mobile phones but neglecting communication with their children will lead to alienation of parent-child relationship and deterioration of family relations, making children feel less cared for, and more difficult to learn how to build friendships with other people (like partners) and experience more society Repulsion, in the end, you can only alternatively satisfy your needs for social interaction, being cared for, and experiencing self-worth through the Internet (David & Roberts, 2017). These will lead to a great increase in children's Internet use, and even more Internet addiction behaviors.
◆How should parents use mobile phones correctly to reduce the negative impact on their children?
Lead by example, set a good example
When you prevent your children from playing with mobile phones, have you ever heard a rebuttal like this: "You all play with mobile phones, why don't you let me play? It's unfair!" You may think that it is unreasonable for your children to compare their parents as the object of comparison. Because schoolwork is no longer your main task, but according to social learning theory, you still assume an important role of "model", and children are imitating and learning your behavior. Therefore, before asking your children to follow the "Mobile Phone Use Rules" you have made, you must lead by example and follow them first.
This does not mean that you and your child must follow exactly the same rules. It is also possible to make different rules based on your own circumstances under the premise of the child's approval. But no matter what the rules are adopted, we should first abide by the mobile phone usage rules and become role models for children. If you can't put down your phone at the stipulated time and think "just look at the following", how can your child actively overcome this temptation?
Use mobile phones as a tool to promote parent-child relationships
Although excessive use of mobile phones will bring harm to parents themselves and their children, the developed network itself can bring many conveniences to life, and mobile phones can also become a medium for parent-child interaction in the new technological era.
Parents can watch some entertaining videos suitable for parents and children with their children after completing their learning tasks or during the rest period, or use the Internet as a channel to gain popular science or learn knowledge. In this way, parents can spend happy parent-child time with their children and increase the common language with their children in the process. At the same time, parents can also establish and implement rules for mobile phone use with their children in such a process, such as taking regular breaks, and immediately stopping use when the agreed use time limit is reached.
Although excessive use of mobile phones will bring harm to parents themselves and their children, the developed network itself can bring many conveniences to life, and mobile phones can also become a medium for parent-child interaction in the new technological era.
Parents can watch some entertaining videos suitable for parents and children with their children after completing their learning tasks or during the rest period, or use the Internet as a channel to gain popular science or learn knowledge. In this way, parents can spend happy parent-child time with their children and increase the common language with their children in the process. At the same time, parents can also establish and implement rules for mobile phone use with their children in such a process, such as taking regular breaks, and immediately stopping use when the agreed use time limit is reached.
In fact, the behavior of parents greatly affects the behavior of children. Children always learn from their parents. If you have been using your mobile phone for a long time and neglect your children, how can you ask your children to plan their use of electronic devices reasonably? Many parents are not aware of this problem and think that they are parents and have the right to manage their children, but adolescent children are inherently rebellious, and these regulations are not accepted by them.
Reference
Lindsay Blackwell, Emma Gardiner, Sarita Schoenebeck. Managing Expectations: Technology Tensions among Parents and Teens. Page 1390-1041 https://dl.acm.org/doi/pdf/10.1145/2818048.2819928
Kildare, C. A., & Middlemiss, W. (2017). Impact of parents mobile device use on parent-child interaction: A literature review. Computers in Human Behavior, 75, 579. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2017.06.003
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